Your FastPass to Fear

A darkly humorous “travel guide” to the Happiest Place on Earth for monsters, demons, and other supernatural tourists.

Here’s the problem. You’re a vampire, zombie, gargoyle, shambler, sphinx, or other creature, and you’re going to Disneyland. But all the guidebooks are written for humans. What’s a tentacled aberration to do? Salvation (well, not really) has arrived!

Just destroyed Tokyo? Hurled souls to Hell? Gobbled down some brains? You deserve a vacation. And where better than the Happiest (a scary, eye-popping kind of happy) Place on Earth. Sure, Disneyland is for kids, and their families, and human beings in general, but the company does have super-secret guidelines for creatures of the night, denizens of shadow dimensions, mutants on leave from government research facilities, and related beasts, brutes, and bigfeet.

At enormous risk to his own sanity, Dominick Cancilla obtained a copy of Disney’s rules for handling these very special guests. From alchemists to zombies, it’s an A-Z forbidden compendium of the horrors that stalked your childhood nightmares, and now may be standing next to you in line for Dumbo the Flying Elephant.

With entries for over 150 types of creatures, as well as helpful trigger warnings and “heads-up” (sometimes with two or three heads) about potentially offensive stereotypes at the parks, plus touring advice and practical guidance about when you should and should not make use of any special powers or indulge in any horrific urges, this book has been endorsed by both intra- and inter-dimensional travelers, and consistently tops the New York Slime’s bestseller list.

Even if you’re not a monst… (oops! that’s the “m word!”), you’ll enjoy Cancilla’s dark humor and sly wit. And you’ll learn a lot about Disneyland as well, though most of it isn’t true—or is it?